The Confidence to Change Your Life

You get stuck when you get comfy. How and why do we get so comfy?

I felt anxious to get somewhere, wasn’t sure where, and I was running ferociously on a hamster wheel. Like a butterfly that felt trapped by its cocoon, that was spun and made to fit just me and make me comfortable, the comfortable-ness was uncomfortable. I had outgrown it.

Got time for a story?

As a newborn, we are pure love. We know nothing about how to read the room or know our audience. We learn to communicate in any way that we’re able and we learn what kind of response we get from those around us.

WE interpret those reactions as a gauge of our value to them. Our interpretation comes in the form of an emotion. Do we feel loved and appreciated or do we feel ignored, avoided, or abandoned? Does anyone care when we cry or babble?

Those emotions are a gauge of how aligned we are with them and their vibration. At this point, we are still aligned with our Self. We know only our connection with that Self. We know nothing of what that connection means yet, but now we learn how to incorporate others into our vibration.

Some days are better than others. We are aligned with some people more than others.

Life, by definition, is the period of growth between birth and death. As we grow, we are inspired to try new things, find new experiences.

As an infant, we see others doing things we wish we could do, like walk and talk. They seem to make life so much easier. When we want something, we want to be able to get it ourselves, not relying on someone else understanding what we want. We crave that independence.

So far (as a baby), what has been our experience? Do we feel loved? Do we feel like we can count on those around us to fulfill our needs? Do we still feel only love or is it already complicated by emotions that we don’t understand.

We get frustrated when we can’t communicate our needs. We get scared when our safety feels compromised. We feel happy when someone “gets” us. We get excited when we anticipate something exciting (as a baby, playing peek-a-boo builds anticipation that you’ll be return because they think you’re gone. That’s why it’s such a hit with babies. Hint: cover the baby’s eyes, not yours. Works better).

As we get older, we discover.

New experiences, new emotions, new people, and, when you think about it, every time we reflect, a whole new you.

Now that you’re older, have more experience in life, you have beliefs that serve you and beliefs that don’t. You’ve learned from others what they believe about the world, about you, about other people, as they see it from their experiences.

Having already experienced enough life to see what lacks in their life and what is in abundance, they share their limitations with you. They offer excuses for their disappointments in themselves and their life.

You learn the limitations they teach you. Their beliefs become your beliefs, but your Self knows better. Your Self knows the path that will lead you, knowing where your resistance lies and what you can achieve, offers opportunities for you to become all that you could be.

You see these opportunities but you’re not ready to let go of the beliefs you hold onto.

Your wife tells you she loves you because of how you make her feel. YOU don’t make her feel anything. On her good days, she loves you more. On her bad days, you are a reliable source of reconnection for her. You remind her of her confidence and days gone by when she felt better about herself …. And you don’t leave when she has a bad day.

She loves that about you because she would. If she could be anyone else on her bad days, she would be, but you don’t leave. You stay because she has some good days. You stay because you’ve been together for so long. You stay because of money. You stay because you want to love her the way you promised you would, hoping one day she’ll receive it in the way that she did when you first fell in love.

Your boss keeps you on, even when you screw up. You get a steady paycheck so you can pay your bills, support yourself and whoever else you support. You don’t hate your job. Sometimes it’s fun. There are some cool things about what you do. You’re grateful to have a job at all. You could probably get a job that pays more, you enjoy more, or even start your own business, but every time you think about it, you get a bonus, get a raise, or somehow otherwise get recognized for your talent.

On “good days” we act from inspiration. We feel aligned with our Self and confident. Did you ever notice how on good days, good things happen? One lucky moment after another. Usually when you’re alone or having fun.

On “bad days”, we’re feeling emotions that lead us astray. We get lost in our emotions and fall into the rabbit hole of memories that remind us why we feel the way we feel.

Whether you feel mad, sad, frustrated, or insecure, you find more reasons to feel that way. Things that prove you should feel that way show up on that day, don’t they? When you’re mad, everything pisses you off. When you’re sad, everything feels depressing. When you feel insecure, you find reasons to feel jealous.

In every moment, we have choices of what action to take next.

Different emotions inspire different actions. We say things from a place of inspiration.

Before we act on any inspiration, take a moment to align with your Self and decide which emotion is guiding you.

Positive emotions guide you to more positive emotion. Negative emotions will guide you to more of whichever emotion you feel. Think about every time you’ve said or done something you later regretted. Our thoughts build momentum.

I have spent money on things I later wished I hadn’t. I have hurt people’s feelings and shot myself in the proverbial foot by speaking words I later wished I could have unspoken.

Have you ever done something you were so sure, even proud of, at the time, later to feel like it backfired? There’s a reason they say be careful what you wish for.

  • You asked out the girl you thought came straight out of your dreams. It became something more, now you’re married but it’s not what you hoped it would be.
  • You accepted a job that pays your bills, but you dread going to work every day.
  • You got a degree in what you thought would be your dream job, only to find yourself taking the job stated above.
  • Your kids are your pride and joy, except when they’re not.

How do you choose what to do in each moment? How do you decide which is course of action is the path of least resistance? The path that will take you to all that is meant for you, all that you’ve ever wanted.

How do you find your path of least resistance though? How do you reconnect when it feels like every choice you make leads you farther away from what you want? How do you even find your path when what you want seems so far in the future, if not impossible? What do you do with now?

You learn what you want by knowing what you don’t want. You step outside of your comfort zone.

Therein lies the problem: You got comfy

You got comfy in your life. You got complacent in your expectations. Life becomes what you expect it to be.

Living your life on auto-pilot, the same routines, the same habits, the same thoughts – leads to more of the same. Law of Attraction will remind you that this is who you have, so far, become. This is who you believe you are. This is the life you have built for yourself, believing this is the life you are worthy of.

What more could you expect?

You think of all that you want and question how worthy you are of having that life. Do you deserve to be that happy and content? Do you deserve to be rich? Do you deserve to be loved in the way you want?

Going back to the baby story, do you have ingrained beliefs that doubt your worthiness, your value? Do you trust, believe in, or have faith in your Self? How connected are you with your Self?

How well do you know your Self? There’s the work that they say is so hard. Without acting on your impulses, do the work. Get to know your Self.

Get to know how your energy flows.

What lights you up? What dims your light? Why do you hold onto what dims your light?

Learn how to ask your Self the right questions and listen for the answers without judgment. The most important thing to remember here is that you are right where you belong.

Anxiety is when you’re anxious to become all that you know that is possible for you. Without limitation, without disapproval, what all have you yearned for in your whole life?

Have you ever received something you always wanted, only to discover it wasn’t all that you wanted?

What have you wanted that has felt out of reach? It only felt out of reach because you didn’t know how to attract or create it.

Let’s start with realizing the power you have. Without judgment, what can you say you have already manifested? What dreams that you had have already come true? What do you have that, at one time, you didn’t?

What do you have that others are praying for? Do you have kids? A family? Significant other? A job? A place to live? Your health, or at least healthy parts?

What can you find gratitude in? Make a list only of what you’re grateful for. No but’s. No if-only. No except-for……

I keep 3 lists:

  • “Proud”s are what I’ve already manifested – Things that could never have happened if I hadn’t been in the story somehow, even if I only dreamt it up
  • “Grateful”s are what my Self does for me – Things that I have nothing to do with, but I reap the benefits of……
  • “On Its Way” – Things I want that I have yet to see manifested. These, in due time, get moved to one of the other lists

Differentiating between proud and grateful seems to be one of people’s major sticking points.

When a parent applauds as her child collects the diploma that they’ve worked so hard for, they acknowledge that they’re proud, but they don’t realize their power from it because they don’t own their part in the creation of this moment.

This moment, no matter how hard the kid tried and worked, would not have happened without your involvement. Even if you weren’t there for any of their time in school, without you, they would not exist. Without you, this moment would not be happening.

Now look around and see all the other proud parents that would be missing out on this moment if you hadn’t created this moment. Their kids might still be graduating but the moment would be different. It wouldn’t be here, now, in your presence, as it is now. What a wonderful moment to make happen. YOU did that!

You might put this in a grateful list because you are grateful to be a part of something so special.

The point of this is to own YOUR power!

The sun and moon, in all their glory and power, have nothing to do with you, but you get to see a new day or night at every interval. Your blood flows, your heart beats, your lungs expand and contract to keep life flowing through your body. You wake up every morning and have an opportunity to live yet another day. Yet another chance to achieve all that you want to achieve.

Those are all examples of things that required no work or effort on your part, but you get to appreciate them. Gratefuls remind you of your worth. Would someone unworthy deserve so much to be grateful for? Your human-self questions your worth, not your True Self.

This is where the anxiety comes from. Your human-self holds onto the memories of all the times that your life offered the opportunity for growth, and you passed it up. All of what you consider to be negative experiences. The regrets, the excuses, your reasons for why you’re still where you are.

The things you consider to be negative experiences happened for a reason. Once you realize the reason, the healing begins. How do you find the reason? You find gratitude in it, somehow.

How you feel indicates your vibration, how connected you are to your Self. Here’s a small cheat sheet:

Your Self loves unconditionally and loves you above all else. Your Self is the best friend you’ve always wanted. Your Self will always be there, guiding you to the feelings you want, like satisfaction and joy.

Your Self is the BFF you’ve been seeking.

Your Self loves you in the way you want to be loved. Your Self knows all that you’re capable of, what holds you back and offers the support you need to get to where you want to go.

So, as you sit here lonely, curious, and wondering where to go from here, here’s your sign:

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