How to Find the Love Within

My True Self is everything I’ve ever learned God to be. In the way my True Self sees me, I can do no wrong and I am worthy of all that I’ve ever wanted.

I am loved, not in spite of mistakes I’ve made, but because of them. Those mistakes weren’t mistakes. They were growth experiences. If not for those experiences, I would not be who I am today and who I am today, is exactly the person I always wanted to meet.

My stories that used to hold regret or resentment are now the stories that inspire and remind me of just how strong, capable and worthy I am.

When the opinion of my human self is different than the opinion of my True Self, the emotions I feel are the disconnection between my human self and my True Self. That’s what loneliness is. Can you relate to feeling lonely?

My Story:

I had a BFF for over 30 years. Losing her was harder than any heartbreak I had ever felt before.

Over those 30 years, we had drifted apart before and always came back to each other. She was my everything. She loved me the way I wanted to be loved. She believed in me more than I ever did, we had fun, and we could make it through anything. With her I felt invincible.

In the end, we tried to make it work. We knew our relationship had changed, we just couldn’t pinpoint what was wrong. We just felt different about each other than we used to. We got together several times and talked about what we thought the problems were, but there was so much water under the bridge already, we decided we had finally just outgrown each other.

She’s a beautiful person who was my whole world. When we drifted apart, she found a whole new life. We had different interests and very different lives. She had grown in her direction. I had grown in mine. I guess that’s what it means to outgrow each other. Neither was wrong or even judgment-worthy, just different from each other and completely different from what it had been.

At first, I was jealous. She had new friends that made her happy. I became “one of her friends”. I was no longer her BFF. I was not her go-to anymore when she needed someone to talk to or hang out with. I didn’t want to be “just anyone”. I wanted things to go back to how they were. She became too busy for me.

Then I got mad. I’d given her 30+ years of my life. She was godmother to my children, for God’s sake. After all we’d been through together. After all the times we’d been there for each other, how could she abandon me like this? Who was I going to rely on if I couldn’t count on her. She knew me better than anyone else.

Then I got depressed. I was lonely. I tried to get as close to new friends as I was to her, but no one seemed the same. I couldn’t find that trust and loyalty. I didn’t feel that with anyone else. No one knew me as well as she did. I didn’t have that history with anyone else. When did friendship get so complicated?

When I was a kid, I had a different best friend every school year. They were my best friends because, at the time, they were my only friends. I didn’t know how to be friends with more than one person.

If I had to be what I thought she wanted in a friend, I had to focus on what that one friend wanted… and I became that.

  • You want a fun friend? I’d show you how fun I could be.
  • You want a smart friend? I’d talk about things I felt confident about.
  • You want pretty? I can dress up and look as nice as I could. I’d make you proud to be seen with me.
  • You want a friend with an attitude? I am perfectly capable of having as much attitude as the next person when I draw upon that part of me.

I was like a chameleon. I was an actress. I was loyal to whoever would show loyalty to me. I would encourage anyone who would encourage me. I’d cheer them on while I hung in the sidelines. I would be the wind beneath their wings.

I couldn’t take a compliment. I had my beliefs about myself and my life, and I’d argue with anyone who told me differently.

I don’t know if or how she thinks of me these days. I don’t know what role I play in her story. I do know that, without her role in my story, I would not be who I am today.

Letting her go was harder than any romantic heartbreak I ever felt before or since this story. We’re in different places in our lives. We held on for years because of our history. We were holding onto our memories, wanting to recreate the relationship we once had.

I feel lucky to have realized this while we’re both still living. I have hope that one day, we’ll reconnect. One day our paths will cross again when we’re both vibing high.

My journey with her was so much more than 30 years having passed us by. She served in the same role as my True Self until I found me.

What hurt so much was that I didn’t have MY person. She had been my person for so long. Something I had never had before. A consistent connection. She saw everything in me that I couldn’t see. I could see so much more for her than she could.

We were everything for each other. I don’t know if she misses me as much as I miss her, but I couldn’t be more grateful to have had a friend like her for the time I did.

These were some of the “rules” that applied to us and what I realized from it.

Answer the Call

A BFF answers your calls no matter what time it is or what they’re doing because they want you to know that you are the most important person in the world to them.

Do you drop what you’re doing when your True Self calls to you (when an impulse strikes or you get a sign of any kind) or are you too busy to answer?

  • When your body says, “I’m exhausted, let’s take a nap.” Do you take a break from whatever you’re doing to listen?
  • When you see something beautiful, do you stop to appreciate it?
  • When you’re inspired to do something fun, exciting or weird, do you do it or do you find excuses like someone might judge you?

When doing something different than what you’re doing would make you feel better than you do right now, that’s your True Self talking to you. Are you listening?

She used to drop what she was doing if a phone call came from me. I did the same with her. We wanted to make sure we each knew how important we were to each other. We made sure nothing even implied that anything was more important than whatever the other needed.

Do you put your Self ahead of everything and everyone else?

Stand Up for You

When someone mistreats you, your BFF gets mad at them. Do you ever take the blame?

  • I knew saying or doing that would upset them. It’s not my fault they can’t handle things. How was I supposed to know they’d do/say that? (Don’t you see? I’m the victim here.)
  • I should’ve seen the signs long before it got to this point. (I can be so dense sometimes. How could I be so stupid?)
  • People tried to warn me. Why didn’t I listen? (I am the worst judge of character. Trust issues.)
  • They told me that before. I forgot. (I can’t help it. After all, I’m only human. An excuse you can always count on. As if being human only means making mistakes.)

We would vent to each other and empower each other. We would remind each other how much more deserving we were than to allow someone to treat us that way.

How are you allowing people to treat you? Are you standing up for yourself and what you believe in, or are you waiting for someone else to jump to your defense?

Remind You of Who You Are

Your BFF reminds you how amazing, how special, how powerful and how talented you are. They will cheer you on and support you no matter what you do. Even if they don’t agree, they have your back because they are loyal to you.

How do you talk to YOU? Do you ever listen to how you talk to yourself? How loyal are you to YOU?

  • Do you criticize yourself?
  • Do you judge yourself?
  • Do you have faith in yourself?
  • Do you like the person that you are?

Allowing others to mistreat you comes as no surprise when you talk to yourself in a way that your BFF wouldn’t allow. How can you defend yourself if you hold the same opinion of yourself as the person guilty of mistreating you? What would your BFF say to you here?

Real Talk

Your BFF knows when something’s bugging you and wants to talk about how you feel. Do you acknowledge when you feel negative emotions, or do you ignore it and let the emotions fester inside you? Do you allow yourself to feel how you feel or do you try to convince yourself to feel how you think you should?

As the emotions fester inside you, they’re projected onto other people. Are you getting negative feedback? Are you not liking the reactions you’re getting from others around you?

Not only are you wasting precious living years merely surviving a life that you could be living, but you’re missing valuable clues that your True Self is showing you as to how you could be happier.

Are you waiting for someone else to console you?

Enter Law of Attraction

You attract the same energy as what you put out into your True Self. Let me put that differently – you attract the emotions that you hold onto.

  • If you have doubts, you attract more reasons to doubt.
  • If you complain, you attract more to complain about …and other people who like to complain.
  • If you don’t trust your own judgment or decision-making, you “have trust issues”
  • If you habitually break promises to yourself, how trustworthy do you feel to someone who’s not you?
  • If you would choose your BFF’s (or anyone else’s) needs over your own, who are you loyal to? Not yourself. You’re implying that the other person is more important than your Self.

My True Self sent me all these clues. I didn’t see them until later as I processed my own emotions.

Everything outside of you is only a projection or mirror image of what’s going on inside you.

Qualities you admire in anyone else are qualities that you recognize and want to connect with within yourself.

Qualities that drive you crazy about someone else are things you’d like to change within yourself.

Listen to the stories you tell. What kind of energy are you putting out into your True Self as you’re telling your stories? Is it a positive energy (healed, excited, eager, etc) or more negative (defeated, overwhelmed, depressed, angry)?

Look for coincidences in your life. Ironic things that happen that make you smile or think about something you don’t always think about. Those are the signs you’re looking for. That’s your True Self sending you messages that you can either listen to or dismiss.

What do you think about? What makes you think? What makes you feel? How DO you feel?

How we perceive (think about from our perception) everything around us is how we generate the emotions we feel. Everything in your life could be perceived as direction from your True Self. When you have one opinion and your True Self holds another opinion, you’re going to feel the emotion that separates you from Source.

The signs you’re asking for, the answers to your questions, are always there. When we’re stuck in our own head because we’re not in a good head space, we can’t see the signs around us. We’re busy fighting for our own limitations. We’re

reminding ourselves why we’re so miserable, defeated, or lonely. We’re not open to hearing an opinion other than our own.

Have you ever been frustrated listening to someone having a bad day (probably a loved one, maybe a kid) because you know they’re talented and deserving, but they don’t feel that way right now? No matter how many examples you give them of their talents, they insist on feeling the way they feel.

They’re fighting with you to hold onto the limitations they see from their perspective. All you can see is possibility for them, all they can see is limitations and obstacles. (Perspective comes from the emotions attached to what we’re looking at)

It’s not complicated. We, as humans, overcomplicate things. Emotions can seem complicated, sometimes even scary.

If you understand them, they can work FOR you instead of against you. That’s what I’ve learned from studying Law of Attraction. Life is simple. Not always easy, but simple if you get it.

Negative emotions are resistance to what your True Self is offering you.

What Does your True Self Offer?

Pure positive energy = Love and Abundance

Love trumps everything. With love comes forgiveness. With love comes hope and faith.

Abundance is the opposite of lack or scarcity.

When you’re not sure if that’s your Self talking or an emotion of any other kind, ask yourself, “Are you thinking from a place of lack and scarcity or from a place of abundance? Are you thinking from a place of love and excitement or from a different emotion?”

There’s no wrong or right answer. No matter how you answer, that’s the way you should feel. Others (society as a whole) will tell you how they think you should feel.

  • When someone dies, you should be sad or mad.
  • When someone achieves something, you should be happy for them.
  • When someone wrongs you, you should be mad.
  • ALL the reasons we’re given that you should be scared.

Thoughts that bring on negative emotions are usually programmed into us at an early age.

  • Am I good enough?
  • Am I capable or competent?
  • Does or could anyone really love me for me?
  • I’ve had good and bad. Which one do I deserve? Did I just get lucky?

And then there’s fear:

  • How will I be judged?
  • What if I fail?
  • Will I feel like this forever?
  • How will anything change?
  • What if anything changes?

Emotional Momentum

No matter which direction you go in, momentum builds. Negative emotions attract more negative emotions. Positive emotions attract more positive emotions.

Imagine a slingshot. As far as you get pulled in a negative direction, you can go just that far on the positive scale.

As hopeless as you feel, you are capable of being just that capable …. if you could only find the confidence to turn your momentum around.

As poor as you feel, what if you had $100 for every time you wished you had money? How rich would you be today?

Fake it Til You Make it?

Some people think that if they talk like they have it all, your True Self will hear and bring it their way. It doesn’t work that way.

Your words have energy, but they are only a means of human communication. Your True Self only feels where your focus is. It does not comprehend anything negative.

Whether you’re focused on prosperity, love, health or joy, your True Self only knows your vibration. Whether you act like you have it all or like you have nothing, your True Self knows how you really feel about it.

When you’re hanging out with people but feel lonely, your True Self will offer you the opportunity to feel better about yourself by reminding you of how lonely you are. (From your point of view, you are doubting yourself, your life, your decisions, your worth. Your True Self is of the opinion that you deserve all that’s waiting for you, all you’ve ever asked for … once you’re ready to vibe with it). Until then, you will attract more opportunities to feel lonely.

When you don’t spend money because you can’t afford something you want, you are of the opinion that you lack what’s needed to get what you want while your True Self sees all the riches intended for you as soon as you can align with who you truly are. Until then, your True Self will keep reminding you how worthy you are. You will feel like it’s a constant reminder of what you can’t afford. Or you can have faith in yourself and invest in yourself and the life you want, instead of the life you feel stuck in.

Instead of seeing what’s missing in your life, find what you’ve gained as a result of the life you’ve had.

Someone once asked me if everything happens for a reason, why did my husband lose his dad at the age of 12? How do you turn that into a positive?

I suggested we look at what he gained as a result. Had his dad been around, he may not have had the amazing relationship with his mom that he did. Had his dad been around, would he have mastered so well how to be “the man of the house”? He had talents that reminded him of his dad because he had those 12 years with him. What else did he gain from being his father’s child? What else did he gain from the short 12 years they had together?

What are You Attracting in Your Life?

Are you attracting more of what you want?

When you’re vibing in a positive direction, change becomes exciting because everything new that life brings to you only reaffirms your power.

When you’re vibing in a negative direction, life provides more opportunities for you to realize the power you possess.

  • Loneliness is disconnection from yourself
  • Fear is a lack of faith in yourself and your power
  • Health challenges give you clues about how you could take better care of yourself
  • Mental and emotional health challenges tell you what questions you aren’t answering for yourself

Are You Ready?

Is your life moving in the direction of what you want or are you stuck in a life that feels stagnant or worse (getting worse and worse)?

Are you ready to find the love and abundance within you? Are you ready to let go of the loneliness and other insecurities?

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